He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
