I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
