You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
