Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
