FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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