My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
