I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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