pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
