so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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