Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
