Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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