Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
i now understand why vodka
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
