Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Dicks are not precious.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
