I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
