He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
