i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
