I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm just crazy horny about you
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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