Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
