Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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