i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
