Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize