He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
