dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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