mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
