Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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