I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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