I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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