Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just blew my weed a kiss
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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