i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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