you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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