I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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