Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
