i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
