I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
