and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Randomize
