halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
