Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
