i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
