i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
