She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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