I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
