woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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