I want to have your abortion
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
