I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
