i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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