god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
