my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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