i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
