now i know why i became what i already was.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
