theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
