dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize