Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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