Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
