He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
