if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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