The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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