Sacagawea was the original milf.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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