he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
