thus making me awesome and them whores
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
