Can Purell be used as lube?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
