I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
