she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
