I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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