WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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