I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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