you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
