my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize