Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
