i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
