So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
